I’m unsure if those of you that will read this, are familiar with the above number and the song it relates to.
Seasons of Love is a song from the West End musical, ‘Rent‘.
This song came on a year ago today, on the radio on my TV. I was doing washing, something not abnormal in my life, but this time, I was doing washing, ten minutes after coming in from the hospital.
This day, one year ago, I sat in a room in my local hospital, holding the hand of my Uncle and Godfather.
This day, one year ago, that song was made his-the lyrics fitting perfectly with my feelings.
This day, one year ago, everything changed once again.
You see, we’ve lost a fair amount of people, each one seemingly tougher than the last. I’m not sure if that’s an age thing-something like grief seems harder as you get older, maybe because you can process it better as a grown up.
When we lost my Nan, my world fell to pieces. My idol, my role model and my absolute hero-I was broken-I still am.
At the time, it felt like the glue that held our family together, had gone-leaving our family in tatters. Siblings at war, grief, those horrible feelings, ripping people to shreds-changing the personalities of people I thought I knew.
What I have realised while processing the last year of my grief, is that the glue that holds a family together, isn’t with one person.
A family, is actually like a jigsaw-every piece fits somewhere-it doesn’t need glue, it just fits.
If the piece next to you goes missing, a piece of you is missing-the more pieces that go, the further apart each puzzle piece gets.
So now, 525,600 minutes after I sat holding the hand of my Uncle, I know the pieces won’t fit again. I know the puzzle will never look the same;
It will never be able to be rescued.
The Tale of Mummyhood