Almost 30…..

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In exactly one week, I turn 30!

As a child, I used to imagine what it would be like to be 30.  I was like Jenna Rink in ’13 Going on 30′ (if you haven’t seen that film-you’ve missed out!)  I willed time to go faster, so I could experience life as an adult, and all the grown up things I thought I’d do.

Of course, as we all know now we are adults, it’s not all fun and games and really, we wish we’d been smaller for longer.

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My son, currently aged 6, is constantly telling me how he “can’t wait to be a grown up”.  He wants to be able to play on the Xbox all the time and not be told what to do-I don’t have the heart to tell him its pretty much nothing like that!

The subject of turning 30 is a puzzling one.  On first thought its a daunting prospect, with so many deep, life relating questions you seem to ask yourself.  The main one, in my case, is whether I’ve achieved all I wanted to by the time I turned 30…..

  1. Children. I wanted kids.  One girl, one boy.  When I was a teenager, dreaming of my perfect, grown up life, I wanted one boy called Danny, and a girl called Leticia (yes really).  In actual “grown up life”, I have one boy (who’s not called Danny) and one girl (who funnily enough is not called Leticia!)
  2. Husband. I wanted the man of my dreams.  He didn’t have a face, not a definitive one anyway-but I have a feeling he looked something like the men on the posters on my wall-a mismatched version of celebrities and professional football players combined together to make THE perfect man.  (Please note, at no point did I dream of the word LOVE).  In actual “grown up life”, I have the man I LOVE.  He looks nothing like any of those men on my childhood bedroom wall, but he was my schoolgirl crush, my childhood sweetheart (who admittedly dated the majority of my friends before getting to me-but the course of true love, never did run smoothly, did it!)  He is the love of my life, my absolute best friend, and I cannot imagine life without him.
  3. A houseI wanted my own home, a house, with a garden and rooms for both my children (remember my one girl and one boy dream). In actual “grown up life”, I have a house.  Its not mine, we rent it, but its our home.  We’ve been here a year, the children have their own bedrooms, we have a garden (and a drive-get us!).  I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in any of the homes I’ve lived in and right now, its perfect for our little family.
  4. To be Successful. I wanted a good career, savings, pennies in the bank, the ability to afford holidays for “my perfect” family and all the happiness money brings.  In actual “grown up life”, I am now a SAHM (stay at home mum).  I have very little in the way of savings, we’ve never had a family holiday (since before children anyway), and in the way of a career, I’ve so far not begun the “perfect job”.  I am, however, pretty happy.  Money is nice, savings would be lovely, and spare money to spoil the children with would be brilliant.  But we’re a happy family.  We pay the bills, we eat well, we enjoy our life, so what more can you ask for!
  5. To make my family proudI wanted to do things with my life that never brought shame or unhappiness to my family.  I wanted them to be proud of me, happy with my life choices.  My father, especially, I wanted to make proud the most.  He shaped me and made me the person I am today-I never wanted to make him sad, angry, ashamed or disappointed in me.  In actual “grown up life”, I can’t answer that can I?!  I can’t tell you if I’ve made them proud, only that I tried my very hardest to do so.  My dad, remains the driving force behind me trying to make something of my life.  I constantly think about what he’d say when I make decisions or life choices.  I’m no angel, I know I made some weird decisions as a child and teenager, and sometimes he would’ve been a little disappointed in how I dealt with things or paths I took, but I don’t think there was anything that would’ve made him ashamed of me.
  6. To be happy. I wanted to be happy. That’s that really!  In actual “grown up life”, I am mostly happy.  I touched on happiness in the “having money” part of this blog.  But that’s not all I need to make me happy.  I have two absolutely amazing children, who don’t stop making me proud and trying their hardest, day in, day out.  I have an amazing husband, who, for all his faults, remains my constant, my bestest friend in the entire world, who I share everything with, and laugh with (most of the time).  I have an amazing family, who I love and adore for their constant love and support.  I’m happy with decisions I’ve made, and paths I’ve taken.

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All these things, all these mad dreams and ideas I had about being a grown up and the perfect life I was going to have, were pretty delusional when I look back as an almost 30 year old.  You cant look ahead 20+ years and map out who you’re going to be and what you’re going to be doing.  At that age, you don’t envisage, the crap challenges you’re going to face along the way.  You don’t know the people you’ll meet, the choices you’ll make, or most importantly, the person you’ll become.

What’s important, as we have these milestone birthdays, is that we’re content.  Content with where we came from, how we’ve lived so far, and how we plan for our future.

Turning 30 doesn’t scare me, upset me, or make me sad for what was.  It makes me excited about what’s to come.

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