Not that long ago, a friend of mine who’s a nurse, said she didn’t know how I did what I did, being at home with my children day in day out. Obviously my response was that I couldn’t do her job, having people’s lives in your hands every day and worrying about remembering all the training etc.
It did get me thinking though, how hard a job this “stay at home mummy” lark can be.
Obviously it’s not half as challenging as some peoples actual jobs. But it still is challenging, just on a very different level.
My daily routine isn’t the same all the time. I take my son to school 5 days a week, sometimes on my own because his Daddy is on a later shift, so he can watch the littlest one. Sometimes I take her with us. Now, it’s a challenge in itself making sure my son doesn’t leave the house looking like he’s been dragged through a hedge. But to then have to convince an almost 2 year old who thinks she’s 5, to let me get her dressed and do her hair (when she thinks she can do it herself) and then persuade her to get into the buggy, while simultaneously looking at the clock hoping we’re not going to be late, makes it all a little bit of a challenge first thing in the morning.
Once the eldest child is at school, I have a quick tidy, throw lots of things into a slow cooker for dinner and start my daughters daily routine of puzzles, games, craft, TV time, lunch and sometimes nap time (when she feels like it of course), then collecting her brother.
To be honest, these are the days I like the most. The routine, the control etc. As an anxiety sufferer, I need control and routine to help me through each day so it’s perfect in the weekdays when it’s just us.
The information above explaining my day to day life with the children doesn’t sound too bad. But there are days when I am not ashamed to say I struggle.
As mentioned before, my nearly 2 year old thinks she’s 5. She has been having her “terrible 2 tantrums” for the best part of 6 months.
As she’s growing she’s becoming more communicative, so understanding why she’s not allowed to do certain things (not that it stops her most of the time), and why she ends up on the naughty spot.
Even with the new found communication however, she’s still very defiant and very challenging.
As for my 5 year old. He thinks he’s 13 (when do they actually act their own age?)
His behaviour over the summer holiday period, rivalled “Damien”. At some points I didn’t even recognise my own son-he was not the child I’ve tried to raise to be good, polite and loving. Add this to the fact I did the majority of the summer holidays, alone, with both children, and some of it while unwell, drained was probably a massive understatement of how I felt.
Some days I feel like the luckiest person on earth. I have these amazing little people, that I grew, taught and continue to love, support and care for.
Other days I feel like the luckiest most tired, drained person in the world. Although I have these little people, that are my absolute world, and who I couldn’t be without, I struggle.
I miss mummy time. So much so, I go to my bedroom at 7 each evening just for the quiet.
I miss adult conversation. So much so, as soon as my husband calls while on a break, or walks through the door, I don’t stop talking. He switches off the majority of the time, and rushes the phone calls during the day so he can go back to work. I find myself thinking, you don’t know how hard it is-even though I know his job is so much harder than anything that happens to me at home. Sometimes the only thing I need is adult conversation and support in what I do and how I do it.
I get bored of the housework and washing. So much so, when I’ve finished the baskets of dirty laundry and put the clean away, I feel the need to celebrate in some way (usually with biscuits or cake-so that’s why those pounds having been adding themselves into the scales!)
I’m worried about my brain. This may sound silly, but I’m seriously concerned for my mind. I could quite easily sit an exam, or win every specialist round on ‘Mastermind’, by answering questions on Cbeebies. But I want to learn! I enjoy learning, studying and writing. Blogging is my way of keeping my brain active but sometimes I want/need so much more!
All these things, the issues I have with being a SAHM, the amount of time spent, energy used, tears cried and time wished away, are completely outweighed most days, by laughter heard, time spent with these precious little people, memories made, moments of pride and those moments when you don’t think you could love anyone more.
My life is my children. My children are my life. I couldn’t be without them. Being a SAHM is the biggest privilege I could ask for.