Last week, I messaged my Dad.
“You’d think I’d have this friendship thing worked out by now!”
Following a day of going back and forth wondering whether I was making the right decision or not, my Dad, as usual, had the best advice.
“If you can live without the friendship, leave it. A good friend would stand by you, no matter what.”
As I so often find, he speaks the most sense in these situations-but, it got me once again thinking, “can I really be arsed with this?”
I’m nearly 31. When I was half of this age, having the same old issues, with the same old childish “friends”, I hoped that things would be easier when I became an adult.
It turns out-nothing changes.
When I was 15, I had a friend who once told me, she’d stayed friends with me for so long, because I made her look better.
Another, I’d become closer with as we grew up, even though as kids, she bullied me-once standing her large frame on my legs in the playground.
Since becoming an adult I’ve known what can only be described as ‘absolute psychos’, and still to this day, have zero idea of who I can trust.
The above conversation with my Dad, isn’t one I’ve had a lot-choosing to sort my own friendships out, especially at the age I now am. But in all honesty, I chose to ask him his opinion, as, although he’s my Dad, he doesn’t lie to make me feel better.
Also, I hoped he’d tell me where I was going wrong-why I keep making mistakes when it comes to friendships.
“People change”, he said, “Other people have issues, thoughts, opinions etc.”
He’s right, of course. I think I just needed someone to tell me that-because when a friendship goes sour, or ends in this case-it’s really easy for someone like me to take it personally, blaming myself for my issues-when in actual fact, it’s the other person that couldn’t be enough to handle it, that is the problem.
I could try and change who I am, so that more people like me-but to base friendships on a falseness, isn’t where I want to take my life. I need to spend more time being thankful for the couple of great friends I do have, and less time dwelling on friendships that are negative and unhealthy.
To those who take me as I am, who don’t see me for my issues, but for who I am to them as a friend, you’re awesome-I don’t tell you enough, and I should do more.