For the past five days, I’ve spent the majority of my time, stuck in bed, poorly with a severe sinus infection.
As a child, memories of being looked after by my parents, given medicine, food and drink, and unaware of anything else except the love and care I had to make me better, are still prominent now, as an adult.
When you become a parent, that role reverses, and you’re the caregiver, not just when your children are poorly, but continuously.
What you don’t realise when becoming a parent, is how different being unwell yourself becomes.
Things I’ve realised this past five days are;
You can spend five days in bed, but never truly rest-not even when asleep.
I have been laying in bed, trying to get the antibiotics I was given to work, sleeping when I need to, not having to worry about anything except getting better.
Once upon a time, that would’ve been possible-a complete shut down of my body, enabling my immune system to fight back.
Now, I wake in blind panic, worrying about what the time is-whether the children are OK (even though I know they’re fine deep down)-sometimes I even set an alarm to make sure they’ve got what they need.
When I sleep I dream about what I’m worried about, I imagine they’ve forgotten bags for school or they’ve not been given dinner. I never truly rest-my brain is constantly on the go.
My husband is incredible.
Now, I knew this-he’s one of the best Husbands and Fathers I know. I think when something like this happens, it just becomes so much more obvious about the amount he takes on.
Yes I know he’s only doing what I do every single day usually, but I’m used to it, I know what happens hour on hour. I know how long it takes to get to school, then to nursery. I know how to get Olivia into nursery without her kicking off-and that before, when we tried to get her in with the hubs, she kicked off royally.
I know how long a wash takes, how long to put the tumble dryer on for-I know what food is for who and for when.
Not only has my husband taken time off work to look after the children, and do all of the above and more-he’s also taken amazing care of me-never complaining once (well not to my face anyway).
Any issues he may have had he’s either not made me aware of, or made them seem less stressful than he probably found them at the time.
It’s times like this I know I made the right choice in not only marrying this man, but having children with him.
You know who’s bothered.
Unfortunately, even though I put this picture on my Facebook, with a needle sticking out of my arm, there were actual family members and “friends” that still didn’t bother messaging with concern! I didn’t do the picture for that reason obviously (I was actually super impressed I was sat with a cannula sticking out of my arm without passing out!)
You definitely realise who means the most to you, and who you mean the most to, when you’re unwell. It’s a big learning curve for me, to put those that clearly don’t care, out of my mind.
You really miss your kids.
Obviously this one only really rings true if you’re a parent.
Seriously though, I may as well have been quarantined miles away from home, for the amount I’ve seen my babies.
It didn’t help that I got worse over Easter-and they had family visits without me, and that I’ve basically only seen them at bedtimes when they give me a kiss goodnight.
It also doesn’t help that their little faces fall each time they come and see me and realise I’m no better.
I actually missed doing the school and nursery run today. I really wasn’t well enough, and I won’t be for a little while, but it didn’t stop me thinking I could drag myself out of bed and take them in!
You’re a proper WIMP! (This one may just be for me)
Really, am I now an eight year old? I’ve managed to push two 9lb 3 babies out of my foof, but I can’t cope with a
fuck load small amount of facial pain?!
I have cried more in the last five days than I have in the last five years. I have wept for the years spent being looked after by my parents-being force fed Lucozade and being tucked in by my Dad. I have continuously felt sorry for myself, panicking about how everyone will cope when I’m not able to look after them.
It turns out, everyone copes just fine. All of the above points are entirely selfish on my part-things I think and feel about myself.
It also turns out, I’m one lucky girl to have those around me who are willing to look after me. Those who step up, those who worry, who care, who help.
(I would like to add though, if this continues much longer, I’ll be needing a lot more in the way of people and their help-to stop me losing the plot entirely. If anyone has a miracle cure for Chronic Sinusitis too-that would also be greatly appreciated.)