Being Beaten By Anxiety and Depression-Let’s Talk, Mental Health

 

Do you ever feel like you’re being beaten?  Beaten by something that’s basically “all in your head”?!

This week (and month if I’m honest) has been a really hard one with my anxiety and depression.

Nothing major has happened, but little things have cropped up, and, instead of those things going over my head like they should do, they seem to have affected me more than ever.

I’m suddenly at a stage where I just want rid of it all-the anxiety attacks have changed their symptoms, and I’ve been toying with starting medication-something I never wanted to do.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve changed a lot this last couple of months . I aimed to make 2017 a positive one, attempting to focus on the good things that happen rather than the bad.

I’m doing well, I’m in a much better place than I was this time last year.

I’m more confident, which is a massive thing for me.  I’ll never think I’m anything special (mainly because I’m not), but, I know I’m good at something for once, and compliments I continue to be given remind me of that.

I’m busy! This may seem like a negative to some, but due to my social anxiety, and lack of confidence, making plans and socialising eluded me for a while.
Blogging has taken me places I never thought I’d go, and I thank my lucky stars every day that I have these opportunities-they’re one of the main things that keep me going.

For all the positives I find, the negatives start creeping back in, especially when my mental health is as bad as it has been.
Recent events have shown me how alone I am, and I never thought I’d feel alone!

Of course I have the children-and as I always mention in these sort of blogs, they’re what get me out of bed in the morning.

And I have my husband.  But recently, him working random hours, with seemingly little down time, alongside me going straight out to events some evenings, has left me feeling a little “single”.

I don’t have a Mum, someone I can go and see for advice or a shoulder to cry on (she’s not dead, see HERE for why I don’t have a ‘Mum’).

My Dad lives 20-30 minutes away (dependent on what transport I use), and, although I know he’s on the end of the phone or at the end of that journey to see him, he has his own life too, and I don’t always feel like I can burden him with my stuff.

I don’t have many friends. This has never been much of an issue for me-I prefer a smaller group (less people to get my hopes up they’re going to stick around).   But the ones I do/did have are even starting to dwindle now.

I’m a great believer in “those who mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind”.  If people don’t want to be in my life anymore that’s fine, but I now can’t help feeling like I’ve gone through life wasting my time on people that aren’t going to last.

Sometimes I just don’t feel like I have anyone.  Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world, and it’s the one thing I currently keep going back to.

I’m just lost sometimes on how to fight these invisible illnesses, and how to shake the feelings that engulf my every day moments.

I keep fighting. I keep going. I keep hoping.
X

Mummy Times Two

14 thoughts on “Being Beaten By Anxiety and Depression-Let’s Talk, Mental Health

  1. Hi 😊 I’m sorry to hear that your anxiety and depression is giving you a tough time at the moment. You sound positive despite this though, you have plans and you obviously have achievements and successes going on all the time. That is AMAZING! You may not feel like it all the time, but it definitely sounds like you’re giving anxiety and depression a big kick in the behind. I know it likes to bite back, but I think you’re doing so well 😊 #PostsFromTheHeart ❤

  2. What a brave and honest postf Mental health is such a tough illness but sounds like you are facing it head on and looking for ways to relieve yourself from its burden. I’m so glad blogging has helped you and I’m sure is a distraction, and so great that you’re keeping busy, as I know all too well, that the opposite can feel like the most attractive option. Thank you for sharing. It’s good that we are all talking about mental health more and raising awareness. Good luck #postfromtheheart

  3. So sorry to hear you suffer from this horrible illness. I know it may seem like it sometimes but you are never alone. You’re right about friends, it’s the ones who don’t mind that matter. Sometimes when I’m low, I can read to much into things when it comes to friends. I think that no body cares. Actually thats the anxiety speaking. Keep on blogging and writing down your feelings and make sure you seek help when you need it x
    #PostFromTheHeart

  4. What a wonderful honest post. I sometimes get trapped in negative thoughts or can’t stop going over an incident that caused me to get upset in my head. It’s a bit worrying. And I sometimes feel alone, even when life seems busy and full of people. Thank you for sharing #postsfromtheheart

  5. You have a lot going on and in some ways that’s worse as it can make you feel overtired and like you don’t have time for anything else! I hope medication helps if that’s the path you go down. Take care x #PostsFromTheHeart

  6. Thank you so much for sharing your story. As someone who deals with anxiety and depression, it is not an easy thing to do. It is so hard to look after ourselves when we have a family to look after too. I am a big advocate of medication in conjunction with therapies such as CBT and counselling. Sometimes it is what is needed to just give us this extra crutch until everything else starts to work. I hope that whichever route you choose to take is the best one for you and I hope that you start to feel better soon x #PostsFromTheHeart

  7. I suffered from anxiety several years ago and there were times when I thought I would never beat it but with CBT an overhaul of my diet and exercise and the support of my friends it is now an episode in my past. I couldn’t have done it without my friends and sometimes you need to reach out. I hope you can. #PostsFromTheHeart

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