An Open Letter To 23 Years Of Bullies

**Disclaimer before I begin-I haven’t been bullied everyday for 23 years-the title of this blog refers to not only the regular bullying, but to the damage bullies leave behind-every day of my life.**

 

To the school kids at my first school-who started bullying me when I was only 7;
Did you even understand what you were doing at that age?  Did you even comprehend the damage you could do to a fellow classmate?
I often wonder if you did-because, my son is now 7, and I cannot imagine him being a bully.  What was wrong with you at that age, that you knew how to make someone feel so bad, and feel happy with yourselves about it?

To the dinner lady-who watched me be physically attacked;
Why didn’t you help me?  Why didn’t you stop them?  I remember your face, the smirk when I fell on my face.  I remember how you dragged me by my arm, telling me to stop crying, and that I was fine.  I remember going to the toilet with you, and you wetting a paper towel to put to my face.
Then I remember you leaving me, with my best friend, and I saw my damaged face in the mirror, the cuts and grazes, the taste of gravel in my mouth, and how I felt so alone.

To the “heavy” girl at my secondary school;
I didn’t react when you came over to me and my friends while we were hiding at the back of the mobile classrooms at lunchtime.  I didn’t react when you tried to wind me up.  I didn’t even react when you first stood, with your full weight on my legs-but after a while the pain got so bad for my tiny frame, I asked you to get off.  You did, but you laughed and I laughed too-trying to get you stop by making you think I found it funny.

To the girl who told me after years of friendship, that she was only friends with me to make her look good;
Do you even understand how much those words affected me?  We’d been friends for so long-I’d stuck with you even when you joined in with the bullies, coming back to our friendship so often.  Did you mean that?  Do you really think that about me?

To the girl who hit me in secondary school;
Well done, you confirmed to me how horrible people could be.  I passed a teacher on the way home, while I was with my Sister, crying about what she’d seen you do to me.  The teacher asked if everything was OK, and I made my Sister say it was-I never told anyone.  I had come to the conclusion, after so many years of verbal attacks, and now this physical one, that I was alone.

To the girl who stopped me wanting to take my children to playgroups;
I knew you were going to be like that.  I could feel it from the day I met you.  I tried to get on your good side, but I just knew you’d push me out gradually.  I’d met girls like you before.
You left me with hardly anyone, and you were spiteful, nasty and vile..

To the school run Mum who made it her mission to break me down;
You made me into the person I am today.  Don’t take that as a good thing.  Because who I am today is a shadow of who I used to be.
You succeeded-you broke me down.

To the school run Mums who watched;
When did what was happening to a fellow Mum, trying to take her child in and out of school, become acceptable-regardless of whether you had issues with her or not.
When did you think about the possible issues I already had that were being made worse.
When did you go home, and wonder how bad it had felt for me?  How, at one point, I was so broken, I told my husband that I’d rather not be here anymore.
Did you think of any of this, while you stood by and watched?

To all of you;
I’ve read that those who bully have serious issues themselves.  They bully because they’re jealous, or because they have things they dislike about themselves.
Is that true of you?

What does it make me, when I find myself seeing these people-those who have made my life miserable-that I look for their flaws, in order to verify the above statement?
Are you all happy now?  Are you pleased with yourselves?  Will you be pleased when your children come home with tales of how they’ve bullied someone?
I suppose, when all is said and done, you’ve done me a favour.  Being a victim means you have experience, and you can help others through their experiences.

So don’t worry, I won’t ever forget you, you’ll be in my thoughts, always-when I’m talking about you, in order to show others they’re not alone.

For that, we Thank You.

 

 

Previous blogs HERE.

Cuddle Fairy
Run Jump Scrap!
Real Mum Reviews
3 Little Buttons
Dear Bear and Beany
Twin Mummy and Daddy

Lucy At Home

Pink Pear Bear
Mummy Times Two

72 thoughts on “An Open Letter To 23 Years Of Bullies

  1. Such a powerful, brave and honest post. People do or say things without really thinking about the long term impact they can have on others’ lives. The world would be a far better place if we could all just be kinder; when did it become ‘cool’ to be mean?
    Thank you for sharing #humpdaylinky

    1. Thank you Laura.
      I try to always think about what others could be going through in their personal lives. It’s a shame others don’t.
      That’s the thing. The mean ones are always the most popular! How does that work!
      Xx

  2. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hate that we see it in kids it’s often referred to as ‘kids being kids’ and then in adulthood? Well, that’s just abhorrent. We know better therefore we should do better. So I’m sorry but well done for being so brave. #HumpDayLinky

  3. Oh lovely … I’m sending you a massive hug from New Zealand. A beautiful heartfelt post. I was bullied for just 2 years at school but it stays with you forever. Thank you for verbalising the feeling so accurately.
    Liz
    #bloggerclubuk

  4. So glad you decided to publish this Jembug because you’ll be surprised the amount of people who can relate to this, like me. You ARE brave for pressing that button to put this out to the world. I am proud of you.

    Lots of love, your friend no matter what, Clare xx

  5. I was bullied and whoever says that things that don’t kill you make you stronger needs a very hard stare! I’m so sorry that you’ve gone though this and send you hugs, strength and tea 🙂

  6. This is quite a hard read, as so sad and I’m so sorry you had so much nastiness lovely. Some people are so cruel and to the ones who sit by and let it happen? Disgusting. You are worth so much more than any of them and I hope you can feel strong enough to keep your head high!! Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst xx

  7. This is such an important post to share. I’m so glad you are here, you do matter and those bullies are just vicious people with no thoughts or cares for anyone but themselves. #HumpDayLinky

  8. Powerful post. They won’t win because you are stronger than you know and are prepared to look for the warning signs in your own children. #bestandworst

  9. Beautiful post! Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through these things. This has been going on for so long, probably since man’s beginning. I remember “mean girls” from when I was just four years old. At school I always stood up for anyone being bullied. I’m sure all the adults you’ve been bullied by were bullies when they were children. It’s a pity some people never outgrow it. Work on exuding confidence, whether you *feel* it or not! Bullies only bully those they sense vulnerability in. It may be too difficult to stand up for yourself in the beginning, so be on the alert for others who are being bullied and stand up for them. Difficult as that may be, you will soon feel powerful. And bullies will pick up on that without a word and will leave you alone.

    1. I thank you on behalf of all victims of bullying for stepping up and helping those that need it. I didn’t have that but I’m so grateful that there are people as nice as you in the world restoring my faith.
      Confidence (or lack of it) is my main issue unfortunately, and I’ve no idea how to change that!

  10. What a hugely brave post to write – I am so sorry that you have experienced such disgusting bullying behaviour. There is never any excuse for treating someone like that, but we know those bullies are cowards and have such issues themselves that they need to pick on others to make them feel bigger, because they are such small pathetic excuses of human beings. But it’s so hard to tell yourself that when you’re on the receiving end of their vile behaviour. You are a million times better and stronger than those people and they know that really. #humpdaylinky

  11. I really hate this post. Not that you wrote it but the shitty things you describe. I don’t understand the effort people are prepared to make to be mean. I don’t understand what they get out of it. I don’t understand how they see putting someone down makes them look better. I’m really shocked adults would be such dicks. Recently I heard the saying ‘hurt people hurt people’. But is that really an excuse? Where are the upstanders? Where are the people that shut down that bitchiness? Head high lady, onwards and upwards. #Stayclassymama

  12. You should feel very proud of yourself for sharing. Hold your head high. I hope you have found some comfort in sharing. Well done for being so brave and thank you for sharing x

  13. I have no words to give you comfort. It is a really powerful piece of writing. I have been on the side of being bullied. Words and actions are so powerful, that fear is so strong with knowing that faced with the situation someone will cause you pain. I hope one day karma bits them on the arse. X #sharthebloglove

  14. I’m so sorry this all happened to you. People can be so cruel, but somehow, by adulthood we expect people to have grown out of this sort of behaviour.
    I don’t really know what to say except take comfort in knowing that your life isn’t so sad and empty that you resort to making others feel bad to get your kicks!
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK 🙂
    Debbie

  15. Oh my goodness. What a difficult read. I have to admit that this made me cry. For all the things that happened to you, and disbelief that by standers could well…. just stand there and let this happen to you. You are strong and you are brave. This should never have happened, and as someone who was bullied by a group of postnatal ward midwives (when they thought I had chosen to have a c section), I understand how these experiences stick. Like mud. And it’s not fair. Thank you for speaking out, and for sharing with the #DreamTeam xxx

    1. Oh Annette I’m so sorry I didn’t want to upset anyone.
      If it helps it was so hard to write and I was emotional too.
      I am strong. But sometimes I’m not lol.
      Thank you for your kind words xxx

  16. This is poetically beautiful. You’ve summed up various events perfectly, especially being bullied as a child. I can whole-heartedly relate to all of this! Still get some form of bullying now from someone suffering with bitter jealousy. Its not nice but at least we can all move on and be happy knowing we’ll never be like them! #PostsFromTheHeart

  17. I really believe that our past experiences can make our break us… bad things will always happen in life, that’s certain, but how we use them, how we response to hate THAT is the making of something.#bigpinklink

  18. Such an honest post – I hope it helps to write things down. It may not feel like it but you are the winner here. I hope you’re happy wherever you are and whatever you’re doing xx #postsfromtheheart

  19. This is heartbreaking and so unbelievable ly brave. I hope writing it helps get out some anger. I have been feeling a lot of resentment recently and you are inspiring me to get it out. That may not help but I really hope knowing that your courage helps others speak does help a little. Stay strong xx #bigpinklink

    1. I’m not angry. I’m used to it. I think that’s worse.
      Thank you for saying I’ve inspired you. That’s one of the nicest things people have said to me. I write to help others in similar situations feel less alone than I did.
      Thank you for being so lovely. Xxx

  20. Oh gosh this was a hard read but thank you for sharing your experience with us and showing people just how much damage bullying someone and cause. I’m so sorry you have been through all of this, children who are bullies is one thing but to have adults bully so badly too is just completely unacceptable x #postsfromtheheart

  21. This is such a sad post. Words are so powerful and can have such a lasting impact on people. I am sorry that you have been left so broken by it all. I hope that now you’ve been able to voice it, you can start to move on. The world has good people in it. You may feel that it doesn’t and that many people have been cruel to you, but they are there. Keep believing and I hope that there are lots of people to crowd and around you and help you to heal #blogcrush

  22. Oh heavens my latest post is about the hell my eldest is going through at school now and whilst we are going into school tomorrow to talk to the Head the fact is, we just can’t stop evil kids from being evil. I’ve also got a draft half written about the mean women I’ve endured at school too as a mother. I literally have no understanding of WHY people are like this…school…uni…workplace…school again. Relentless. Well done for pulling through it all but how avoidable and unnecessary. #dreamteam

    1. Oh I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this with your daughter.
      My advice is don’t leave without an answer to her problems when you meet with the head tomorrow.
      But you’re right. Evil breeds evil.
      Finish the post Hun. It’ll help I promise. And share it with me and I’ll share it too.
      Thank you for your kind words lovely. Xx

  23. This was such a tough read… I could see my own experiences in a lot of what you wrote, and also unfortunately my son’s experiences too. Bullying lasts a long time beyond the incident, a long time after everyone has grown up and “moved on.” I don’t think those who have been on the receiving end ever get to move on, it changes how you see yourself and others for the rest of your life. I’m sorry you have that shadow, I know how it feels *hugs*
    #PostsFromTheHeart

  24. Such and honest and powerful post, I was bullied all through school and it has had a lasting effect on me and my life. You say it so well it is what’s made me the person I am but a shadow of who I should be. #PostsFromTheHeart

  25. Sending so much love to you, it sounds like you have been through a lot over a very long period of time. You are a million times better than they will ever be. This post will help many people feel less alone, of that I am sure. #PostsFromTheHeart

  26. Oh my goodness this was not easy to read. I’m shocked and disgusted by what you experienced as a child, even more so by the dinner lady who just watched. How could they? It was their job to keep you safe. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    1. I’d like to say it was a long time ago so maybe times have changed but I really don’t think they have everywhere.

      Thank you for your lovely words xx

  27. Your post made me well up, I loathe bullies and I will never understand a person who deliberately hurts another person verbally or physically. I have never been bullied, although I was probably a prime target, I think I got away with it at school because I had family members there who were older and would have stepped in and stopped anyone who tried to bully me. They also stopped any boy that liked me from telling me too, so there was a downside. I’m sorry you have been through so much but I admire your honesty and your willingness to reach out to others who might feel the same. You are so much stronger than you think for doing this. xx

  28. Well done for writing this-your pain was emanating from the page, and I’m so sorry that you’ve suffered so much at the hands of people who need to hurt others in order to fill a gaping void in their lives. I also live with the devastating damage of bullying-resulting in zero self confidence, a lack of trust in anyone, aside from my husband and parents, problems socialising, and anxiety/panic disorders. Fortunately I haven’t experienced it as a parent-at toddler groups etc, and my children aren’t at school yet. But the eldest is going in September-and I’ve read the statistics on being bullied by other school parents, and I’m dreading it…
    This is a subject I feel very passionately about, and I agree-using your experience to tell others they aren’t alone-is the best therapy xx
    Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink

  29. I can’t believe how nasty children can be, and that the teachers barely helped! I hope this doesn’t happen now a days but I’m glad you’re raising awareness of this important topic. My brother was bullied and I remember yelling at them to help my Northern, they stopped for a little while after I had a word with them but eventually they went back to their old ways after I had left to go to high school. Bullying can be so damaging, I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this my heart goes out to you 😀❤️ thanks for sharing with #StayClassyMama!

  30. I am so unsure of why, or even how people have become so mean over time. This is a very brave post. I am so sad for all you have gone through and I hope you find the strength to grow and let this go — you need not carry these experiences with you. You need to put them down and leave them behind. Honor the person who you have become and you win. Don’t let them rob any more of your time or life. You are too important. <3 #BigPinkLink

  31. Such a honest post. So sorry you had to go through all this for so long and the effect it’s had in you. I can’t understand why and how children can be so horrible but I’ve seen it and know they can. Well done for sharing this. You are strong and you are worth more than all of them x
    #sharingthebloglove

  32. Your post has moved me to tears and I’m sure this was such a difficult piece to write. Well done for voicing your experience, I wish I had been able to read this when I was younger and was bullied at school. Like you, I’ve been the victim of bullying several times since and never been able to shake off the wondering of why it always happens to me. Thank you for sharing such an amazing post with the #dreamteam. It’s a pleasure to have you with us x

    1. Thank you honey. I didn’t set out to make people cry lol!
      I completely understand though-I don’t get why I was and am bullied but it always seems to happen to me!
      Thank you for having me! Sxx

    1. Thank you lovely.
      As karma would have it-said ringleader has now been ousted by the rest of her group, and is now more alone than me.
      X

  33. Wow, this post shows so much strength. I was a bully and a victim as a child, sometimes at the same time. As a victim, I was not supported by my parents. They told me I was smart and that’s the reason I was bullied, or that i was too needy (I am multiply-disabled so have special needs) or whatever. Anyway it was always my fault. My parents no doubt knew that I bullied an intellectually disabled child on the special needs bus, but they rarely if ever told me to stop. In fact, when the child was dying of a brain tumor, they cracked jokes about how her Christian father (my parents are atheists) prayed for God to save her meaningless life. I don’t say this to minimize my own responsibility, as I should have known how much bullying hurt, experiencing it myself. However, this shows how ingrained bullyng and victim blaming is in our society. I am so sorry it happened even now tha tyou’re an adult. #PostsFromTheHeart

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