6 Hours and Counting…….

 

Today, as 9 o clock came around, I realised I was, for the first time in almost 7 years, child free.

There were no children waiting for me at home, no babies growing in my tummy to plan for-there was just a house, a treasure trove of memories and reminders that they’re not here.

I’ll wish away the next 6 hours, and people will ask me why-why didn’t you just come home and enjoy the quiet?
Why didn’t you think of all the time you’d have for you now?

And I’ll say-because I was put on this earth to be their Mummy. I don’t know anything else-I don’t remember my life, or living, before I had them.
How can you enjoy that?

When they’re not with me, it’s like something has got hold of me. A choking panicking sensation. Not an overwhelming one that I’m always aware of, but a dull feeling in the back of my mind, the pit of my stomach, the tip of my tongue, just waiting for its chance to take over.

Maybe in a few months, I will enjoy it. Maybe I’ll have my own little routines on the days they’re not here.

Maybe I’ll be a better person, stronger and more organised.

Maybe I won’t even remember feeling like this.
But right now, it’s all I can do to put one foot in front of the other and get home. Because each step takes me further away from my babies.

6 hours and counting……

X

 

7 thoughts on “6 Hours and Counting…….

  1. Oh gosh. How can we make them like bonsai trees forever….? (I’m only half joking!!). My oldest is about to turn 3… I know when he goes to school i’ll miss him terribly, and with 16 months between them my youngest won’t be long after. sigh #PostsFromTheHeart

  2. I get this, even if i’m desperate for some alone time. I’ll be out at work or with a friend or whatever and i’ll feel this weight, this edge of a potential panic at the back of my mind. I know they’re just fine but every now and then my brain goes ‘wait! Where are they? are they safe?’ and I have to remind myself everything is fine xx #postsfromtheheart

  3. I get this totally. As much as they drive us crazy when they are around, the minute they aren’t with me I wish they were. I’m typing this comment in bed, missing them when they’re sleeping. And I think it’s ok to feel that way, and ok not to as well. Right now Number Two is still very much a permanent attachment to my person, but looking at Number One, I’m all too aware those days are limited. I’m going to enjoy every moment of being needed, in the knowledge that those moments won’t last forever. Thank you so much for linking up such an utterly honest post to #PostsFromTheHeart

  4. Oh , bless i do think this post depends on the reasoning why the kids are away from you. I relish having the house to myself but on certain circumstances i hate having to be parted from my kids. Which ever this is i hope it gets better. #Postfromtheheart

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