These 26 words, are pretty much all you need to grow tiny humans and keep yourself
from rocking in a corner sane. Memorise them, use them as your mantra, and you will be fine! Appetite
. Kids have one. All of the time. They’ll eat you out of house and home if you let them. You must keep them entertained and hydrated or they’ll mistake thirst and boredom for hunger!
. It’s needed, not all the time, but always in the house “just in case”. Being everything to everyone can get stressful sometimes!
. Also needed, ALL the time, ALWAYS in the house, sometimes if ‘E’ is happening, chocolate can work instead of meals.
. For some reason, kids are somehow, always dirty! I don’t know where they get it, or how, but there’s always some somewhere!!!!
. It’s done fast, or not at all. You need to make sure you’re available for helping others eat, serving drinks, extra sauces, clearing up mess, and basically not having time to eat your own-and if you do-its cold!
. Whether you wake up feeling like crap, absolutely shattered, with tons to do throughout the day, you MUST still be fun! Kids seem to get bored around about 10 minutes after waking up, and throughout the day when they’re not eating or tantruming. You must entertain constantly if you’re going to get through a day!
. You go out, spend an entire months worth of spare money on the kids clothes and shoes, and within that next month, they grow out of most of it. The worrying thing is, you don’t notice it day to day, but it just happens!
. Just don’t even go there with this one. Its constant, you get little/no help and its just never tidy or clean enough unless you’re home alone for a substantial amount of time. As you clean up, they go around after you, undoing all your hard work.
. There’s tons of it, and it comes in waves, taking down each member of your family one by one, until there’s a big fat red cross on your door and you’ve quarantined everyone to their bedrooms, with a bin each for vomit, and some kind of noise they need to make for when they need refreshments or cuddles.
You’re going to be judged. No matter what you do, when you do it, how you do it, and why you do it, you’ll always be judged by someone somewhere. Don’t let this phase you! You know what is right for your kids. Go with that instead of listening to others.
. You must know everything-every answer to every question asked, whether its absolute nonsense or not. Most of those answers you give, will end up being responded with “why?” by the child in question, and you’ll need to give an adequate answer to that too!
. This is a must. Its pretty basic, but its the best noise, the best entertainment and it keeps you battling through the day!
. This is now your name. You will hear it from the moment the little ones wake, to the moment they go to bed-and maybe even during the night when they should be sleeping!
. These are a thing of the past. Its hard enough finding the spare money to get out of the house, let alone to find a sitter that you trust with your precious little ones, or who doesn’t cost the earth.
. You have to be one. You need to find a way to grow around 6 more arms, so you can carry out all requests without taking too long and ending up with tantrums!
. The little darlings decide at some point in their tiny lives, that they’re going to need some kind of pet. You may be like me, and unable to have cats/dogs etc in your rented home, but that doesn’t stop them. You could end up with a fish, or a hamster, or a tortoise! They sound like fun dont they? NO! They are as much mess/effort/money/time as the kids-maybe even more. For as long as you can, put them off!
. Another must, you must always be quick. If you don’t get to the kitchen for juice or a snack, within roughly 90 seconds after being asked, all hell is going to break loose! Be quick. All the time.
. Kids are always right, even when they’re wrong. If you remember that you’ll have a much easier life!
. Think back to walking yourself to school, how much effort it was to get there, how reluctant you sometimes were, and the playground issues you’d have. Now add in, having to take someone else there, who’s sometimes just as reluctant, and this time, you have to deal with playground issues from fellow school mums instead!
. One of the biggest learning curves you’ll go through as a parent. Patience, patience, patience. That is my only advice on this one!
. If you thought you were clever before you had kids, you wont think that anymore. Well, unless you count your vast knowledge of nursery rhymes, kids tv theme tunes and the names of ALL the characters they watch! In that case-you’re a genius!
. They are the devils food. According to the little ones that is! They wont eat them, and if they do, their faces will contort, they will moan and whine and sometimes even force a gag out for maximum effect!
. It never ends. Thats about it. IT just doesn’t end.
. This one might seem an odd one, but think of how many times, prior to having children, you spent in the hospital, then double it and double it again! There will be lots of lovely trips to the paeds a&e department, which can sometimes end up in xray! Doesn’t that sound fun!
This is what they want to hear, always. You must never say no, because that word is also known as the “tantrum button”. That button should be avoided at all times.
. This is how tired you are. All the time. Not just physically, but mentally too. All the time.
Sometimes, we could use alternative words for the “Parenting Alphabet”.
P is for Pride. How proud they make us day in, day out, for just the smallest things sometimes-but things that seem the biggest, best things to you.
F is for Family. These little people are your flesh and blood, your little family you grew and nurtured into the tiny humans they are today. It doesn’t get better than that!
E is for Emotions. The emotions you feel when with them, or without them, are like nothing you’ve experienced before. The sheer tug on your heart when you miss them, or the swell of love you get when they kiss and cuddle you, or tell you that they love you is more than you need to get through each day.
U is for Unconditional. You’ll never feel the sort of unconditional love you feel for your children, for anyone else. They are your everything and nothing else compares.
For the 26 challenging words above, there’s millions of others that can be used to describe your children, that are full of love, and that are the best to remember when battling the ’26’.
Enjoy all of it-before they grow up and you miss every single bit.