#Blogtober17 ~ Day 17 ~ Quotes

Today is day 17 of Blogtober 2017, and the theme is ‘Quotes’.

 

Quotes are actually something that are really important to me-I love reading them, and I actually have them around my house. Continue reading “#Blogtober17 ~ Day 17 ~ Quotes”

#Blogtober17 ~ Day 16 ~ Phobias

Today is day 16 of Blogtober 2017, and the theme is ‘Phobias’!

 

*Small disclaimer before we begin-my phobias are weird.  Like, off the scale odd.  Just thought I’d pre-warn you…. Continue reading “#Blogtober17 ~ Day 16 ~ Phobias”

#Blogtober ~ Day 12 ~ Love

Today is day 12 of Blogtober 2017, and definitely one of the easier themes to write about-Love.

 

I have a lot of loves in my life, not all of them people-some of them things-some of them material, some of them not.
All of them, however, give me the strength and positivity I need to get through even the toughest days. Continue reading “#Blogtober ~ Day 12 ~ Love”

#HelloYellow ~ Young Minds ~ Supporting Our Children’s Mental Health

Being a Mental Health Blogger myself, it goes without saying how important my children’s mental health is too.

 

So when I saw my Son’s school were supporting Young Minds-the UK’s leading charity championing the well-being and mental health of young people-on World Mental Health Day 2017, there wasn’t any doubt in my mind that I would support them too. Continue reading “#HelloYellow ~ Young Minds ~ Supporting Our Children’s Mental Health”

#Blogtober17 ~ Day 3 ~ Car

Today is Day 3 of Blogtober 2017-and the theme is….CAR!

 

This one could’ve been a tricky one to write about-I don’t drive, and to be honest, I don’t particularly like cars!

Let me explain more….. Continue reading “#Blogtober17 ~ Day 3 ~ Car”

Today I’m Thankful For #2

Good Morning!

I’ve had to double up on the thankful blog today-as I was too ill to blog yesterday during the day, and out at a press event yesterday evening.
So……today (and yesterday) I am thankful for;

My Bed
I was literally in it all day yesterday.  Trying to gain some energy or rid myself of some of these horrible symptoms of my yukky cold, before heading to the theatre for a press event last night.

My husband
Even though he feels rough too (and today is literally in the same position I was in yesterday), my husband pretty much gave up his day off yesterday, to have Olivia downstairs with him, to allow me to rest, and picking up and putting away the food shopping yesterday morning, leaving me stress free and relaxed to try and get better.

 

People who step up
This one is probably the most important-and more of an ongoing thankfulness really.

It’s dedicated to those select few, that, regardless of whether they have been given jobs, such as-maid of honour/godparent etc, they still step up and be those things.
I am so grateful for those that bother with my children, even though they’re not duty bound to, and those that are truly there for me and my family, regardless of whether they were given a role to do so.  You put others, who were supposed to step up, to shame.

My Job
Yes you read that-my job. Because what I do, to me, constitutes a job. It’s what I want to do, it’s what I love to do, and quite frankly it’s what I’m bloody good at!

I tire of having to explain to people why it is classed as a job, when they question how “easy” it is.

I love it, I work hard at it, and actually, the opportunities I get from it make the tiresome questions and constant explanations worth it.

 

That’s all for today folks.

Remember to join in with what you’re thankful for over on social media, tagging me, and using the hashtag #MFBthankful, or on here using the comments section at the bottom of the page.

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Xx

Social Anxiety-Today I Win

 

This morning after a night of no sleep, thanks to a pulled muscle from teaching my kids how to do a headstand (don’t ask), I felt I had a very good reason not to take my son to a friends party he’d been invited to.  I felt I should find a reason not to go, because that’s what I always do.  Welcome to the beautiful world of social anxiety.

Let me mention here, if you don’t know much about social anxiety, it’s basically full of people making plans with you, inviting you or your children somewhere, you saying yes, then on the day, finding any excuse you can, not to go!
You could really want to go to the thing you’ve been invited to, but, as the day looms and the anxiety kicks in, the little niggling feeling you have about going gets worse.

Today, the niggling feeling was telling me not to force myself to be in a situation I’m in every day.  I have to go to the school every morning, and now the nursery too.  I have no choice, my kids need to go.  Today I had a choice-not to force myself to go, resulting in; (to name a few of the delightful symptoms that plague me daily) heart palpitations, horrible tummy cramps, feeling nauseous, hot flushes, panicky feelings-that start at the bottom of my body and work all the way up until I feel like I can’t breathe, bringing me on to-shortness of breath, and, my favourite, the urge to run, hide and cry in a corner.

Now, I suffer from social anxiety on a daily basis, so these feelings are pretty normal for me-I always say if it wasn’t for my children I probably wouldn’t ever leave the house.  Thankfully for me, I do have them to keep me going and get my butt moving every day, but today, I had a ready made excuse to not go-the neck pain!


At 11:30 this morning,  and hour before we had to leave, I changed my mind.  For several reasons……

My son, almost aged 7, unfortunately doesn’t get a lot of invites to parties.  He’s a lovely kid (and I’m not just saying that because he’s mine), he’s friends with everyone, very polite, well mannered and clever.  So clever in fact, that he now can tell me which of his friends parents don’t like me.  I myself, am a very private person when it comes to speaking with my children about personal grown up matters, which, I would hope, most parents are.  The fact would then remain that he’s come to this conclusion himself, noticing the tension, hearing things said, or not said, as he often asks me why some of his friends mummies don’t talk to me.

I’ve told him some people just don’t get on-sparing him from the detail that I could go into about the sheer hell I’ve faced for the last two and a half years.   In me explaining that, he understands that I’m the reason he doesn’t get invited to things-something his six year old brain doesn’t register as a bad thing yet, but something my 30 year old brain battles with daily, worrying he’ll one day start to resent me, as he gets older, and these issues possibly continue.

For once, he’s been invited to something.  How can I take that away from him because I can’t control my mental health issues?!

Another reason I went, (although one of the reasons I at first didn’t want to go), not one I realised until I was there, were my issues with worrying about what others think of me.

For a little while now, I’ve been slowly battling the nagging feeling I have at every event, social occasion or family get together, that people are judging me.

This, is made no better, by sly little whisperers, who judge everything I do, say (and sometimes, wear).  I think the change came when I attended my first press event in London at the end of last year.  I walked into a room full of people I didn’t know and thought, they’re strangers, they don’t have a preconceived idea of who you are, because they don’t presume to know a stranger they’ve only just met.  Tell them who you are, tell them about yourself, then they can judge on factual information, not hearsay others frequently use against you for their own pleasure.
Slowly, since that day, I’ve honestly started to feel sorry for people, and the way they go about their day, negatively, sadly, nastily, angrily.

I used to be a positive person, and I felt sorry for myself for the negative way I started to conduct myself, when faced with people that dedicated their time to putting me down and belittling me.  Why was I feeling sorry for myself, when the things being said weren’t even true?

 

I’m a really nice person when you get to know me.  Many years of being battered by dickheads took its toll and I’m not ashamed to say I now take a lot longer to assume someone is my friend.  But I am a really good friend, to those that are good to me.

I’m a good mum, a loving wife, I’m a talented writer, and have been nominated for an award in the last month.  I’m a good daughter, step daughter, and liked family member amongst those that know me properly.

I’ve never acted out of malice (sometimes I plainly just misread situations and people-something I’m learning the hard way to stop doing).

And through all of this-through all my good traits, even through my bad ones, (because I wouldn’t be so stuck up to profess perfection), I’ve realised one massive thing.  One gigantic, stupendous, life changing thing.

I’m happy with who I am.

And those six words, have got me through a fair few school runs, social situations, family get-togethers, and professional events recently.

I won’t be changed, I won’t be beaten.  You can try, and once upon a time you would’ve succeeded-you tried so hard, you’ll never understand the damage you did do-but not any more.

I know who my friends are.  And most importantly I know who I am. And I won’t let those that try and beat me down, those that don’t know me for who i really am, or stupid social anxiety, win, anymore!

Xxx

For more information on social anxiety, and how to cope with it-see the social anxiety website-here.

Good Enough

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I don’t love easily. 

I don’t mean in the “being in love” sense, I mean loving friends, getting to know people, liking them as your friendship moves along, relying on them for things, letting them rely on you.

I’m a very paranoid person, I pretty much second guess everything I do, and everything everyone else does.  I worry about how I’ll be perceived, what people think of how I look, how I dress, how I act.

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And through years of being like that, I try constantly to change.  I try so hard to be who each person I come into contact with, wants me to be.  Because if they don’t like me for the person I’m trying to be, it’s not as bad as them not liking me for who I truly am.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not fake to every single person I know and speak to!  To those closest to me, I open my true self up, and hope so much that they’ll like me.

Those people however, are few.

As I’ve got older, I thought I would change a little, relax a bit, and show my truer self to more people.  I wanted to gain the attitude, “if they don’t like me for who I am, then they’re not worth knowing”.  But in all honesty, its just not that easy.

Every time I put myself out there, allow people to know all about me, to know who I truly am, I seem to get shit on, from a very big height.

Sometimes it’s my mistake!  Sometimes I’ve just been a very big idiot when judging someones character.  Other times, someone shows me who they are, and I assume that’s the real them.  Then, months (years sometimes) later, the real them comes out and I’m left feeling like I not only wasted that time, but misplaced my trust, and that’s harder than anything else.

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I don’t think you ever truly learn how to read people and trust them implicitly, no matter how old you are.  You just put yourself out there and hope you’re good enough.

And as hard as I try, I just don’t think I’m one of those people who is good enough.

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For now, I’ll try and focus on those in my life I know think that I know, and hope I’ve not made another friendship I’ll end up regretting……

Xx

Missing:Female Solidarity

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Not so long ago, I was verbally attacked from out of the blue, without provocation of the other person, via a well known social network.

The person attacking me?  A fellow woman.

Her words have played on my mind since I received the messages, not because I’m hurt by them, but because slowly, I’m losing my faith in womanhood and solidarity amongst other women.

Most days I find myself on the other end of a fellow females harsh words or opinions on my life choices, my appearance, the friends I choose, and even my past decisions or life choices!

I’m not going to go into detail about what was said, because I’ve come to realise, she doesn’t deserve the exposure.

Instead, I will say, to the women who feel the need to bring themselves down to a level so low, that they berate others for things that should never be used to define people, you have absolutely no place in the society I think we need.

Since dealing with people thinking they can throw hurtful comments around, I have noticed, slowly, but surely, the different cliques and groups of girls hating girls are having the tables turned by those they’re choosing as their “next victims”.

 

More and more I’m seeing, groups forming wherever I go, and the victims these people choose to take their issues out on, are forming their own groups.

These are not groups of people who want to take others down, but who plainly share their stories, who share their hurt and damage they’ve received from others.

If this is how life is to continue, if we’re to live knowing at any point we could be subjected to abuse and character assassinations, sometimes by people that don’t even know us, I will pin my hopes on the victims of these verbal attacks, taking over.  Not to do harm but to show how in the end, there is still female solidarity in the world.

 

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I will bring my daughter up, exactly how I was brought up, being empowered by fellow human beings, especially strong, independent women, no matter what they wear, how they look, or what choices they decide to make with regards to their lives.

Women should empower women.

Women should support women.

Solidarity amongst women should never be jeopardised or squandered.

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Please remember this blog, for the people it stands up for, and for the people it stands against.

 

Signing off,

One Woman

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