Minnis Bay Brasserie & Gravity Review ~ Olivia-May’s Birthday Week

 

A couple of weeks ago, we celebrated Olivia’s 4th Birthday-and boy, does that girl know how to drag out Birthday celebrations (goodness knows where she gets it from…..)

I’ll attach a vlog I put together over the week, at the end of this blog, but first I wanted to review a couple of places we visited during the celebrations. Continue reading “Minnis Bay Brasserie & Gravity Review ~ Olivia-May’s Birthday Week”

Being Beaten By Anxiety and Depression-Let’s Talk, Mental Health

 

Do you ever feel like you’re being beaten?  Beaten by something that’s basically “all in your head”?!

This week (and month if I’m honest) has been a really hard one with my anxiety and depression.

Nothing major has happened, but little things have cropped up, and, instead of those things going over my head like they should do, they seem to have affected me more than ever.

I’m suddenly at a stage where I just want rid of it all-the anxiety attacks have changed their symptoms, and I’ve been toying with starting medication-something I never wanted to do.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve changed a lot this last couple of months . I aimed to make 2017 a positive one, attempting to focus on the good things that happen rather than the bad.

I’m doing well, I’m in a much better place than I was this time last year.

I’m more confident, which is a massive thing for me.  I’ll never think I’m anything special (mainly because I’m not), but, I know I’m good at something for once, and compliments I continue to be given remind me of that.

I’m busy! This may seem like a negative to some, but due to my social anxiety, and lack of confidence, making plans and socialising eluded me for a while.
Blogging has taken me places I never thought I’d go, and I thank my lucky stars every day that I have these opportunities-they’re one of the main things that keep me going.

For all the positives I find, the negatives start creeping back in, especially when my mental health is as bad as it has been.
Recent events have shown me how alone I am, and I never thought I’d feel alone!

Of course I have the children-and as I always mention in these sort of blogs, they’re what get me out of bed in the morning.

And I have my husband.  But recently, him working random hours, with seemingly little down time, alongside me going straight out to events some evenings, has left me feeling a little “single”.

I don’t have a Mum, someone I can go and see for advice or a shoulder to cry on (she’s not dead, see HERE for why I don’t have a ‘Mum’).

My Dad lives 20-30 minutes away (dependent on what transport I use), and, although I know he’s on the end of the phone or at the end of that journey to see him, he has his own life too, and I don’t always feel like I can burden him with my stuff.

I don’t have many friends. This has never been much of an issue for me-I prefer a smaller group (less people to get my hopes up they’re going to stick around).   But the ones I do/did have are even starting to dwindle now.

I’m a great believer in “those who mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind”.  If people don’t want to be in my life anymore that’s fine, but I now can’t help feeling like I’ve gone through life wasting my time on people that aren’t going to last.

Sometimes I just don’t feel like I have anyone.  Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world, and it’s the one thing I currently keep going back to.

I’m just lost sometimes on how to fight these invisible illnesses, and how to shake the feelings that engulf my every day moments.

I keep fighting. I keep going. I keep hoping.
X

Mummy Times Two

Marmite Friend

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It’s become apparent recently, that people who I think I would like to get to know, or people that think they would like to get to know me, don’t really know what they’re getting themselves into before they speak to me.  In short, its wasting quite a lot of my time, thinking “ooh this could be a lovely friendship”, only to have them be put off me because of my traits/looks/personality.

For those that already know me, I’ve mentioned on a few occasions, how I’m a “Marmite Friend”.  You either love me or hate me.

For those who don’t already know me, to save my time as much as yours, I thought I’d put together a handy little guide, so you can see if it’s worth getting to know me in the future!

 


 

All About ME

  1. I talk a lot-loudly.  This sometimes gets mistaken for rudeness/self confidence/brashness/outspokenness.  It’s basically what I just said though, I talk a lot, and I’m loud.  I don’t mean anything by it, and actually I really lack in self confidence!
  2. I’m no oil painting.  If you’re after someone who looks good, to join in with yourself and other pretty friends, I’m not the girl for you.  Additionally, if you want a friend who’s not majorly attractive, to make you look prettier, I wouldn’t bother with that either.  Unfortunately I once had a friend (lets call her ‘K’ – because that’s what her name began with and really I’m doing her a favour she doesn’t deserve anyway, after her behaviour, by hiding her actual name) who actually told me she was only friends with me because I made her look good.  That won’t be happening again!  Personally, I don’t think looks need to define who a person is, and I would hope, if I was a “pretty girl”, I would have the same outlook.
  3. I am not my family.  I once was told by another lovely girl, that I must be “just like my sister”.  Just because we once shared a surname, which I also did with other members of my family, that doesn’t mean I’m anything like them.  In fact, I often tell my father, that I think he and I were probably both adopted into the family.
  4. I’m on facebook.  In addition to that admission, I will also openly admit now, that I will a) ask you if you are on Facebook, and probably add you 5 minutes after you confirm you are, b) Tag you (after asking your permission of course) in anything we do together/our kids do together, and c) update my status a lot.  These things have caused issues in the past, but once again, this is something that isn’t going to change, therefore, be sure you want that in your life.
  5. I can be a little flaky. But hey-at least I’m honest about it!  My brain is like a sieve sometimes, and I forget a fair amount, double book sometimes, and occasionally forget to reply to messages.  80% of the time, I’m pretty much on the ball though-80% is enough yeah?
  6. You only get one chance (most of the time).  Depending on who you are and how long I’ve known you, I do tend to give one chance if you f**k up.  If you’re someone who loves having a little bitch about me behind my back, or goes psycho over something pretty trivial, and when found out, doesn’t apologise or make attempts to sort the issue, I will cut you off…..or in my facebook-loving-terms, delete and block.
  7. My kids are my world.  If yours aren’t, we’re going to struggle.  Also, back to the Facebook thing, I share a LOT of photos of them on social media.  So if you don’t really like your kids or seeing other peoples, I’m probably not the friend for you.
  8. I’m 30 going on 50.  I have a dislocating hip, sciatica in my arse, rheumatism in my right wrist (mainly only in winter), and I love nothing more than a blanket and a hot chocolate.  I’m at the age where, once in a few months, a drink in a wine bar, sat in big comfy chairs, having a chin wag, would suit me down to the ground, but aside from that, nights out are no longer my “thing”.  Those re-finding their youth?  Good on you!  But I won’t be joining you.

 

I’m well aware, many of those points are highlighting my weaknesses rather than my strengths as a friend-so, for want of not alienating the entire population of prospective pals, (or the PPP as I have now abbreviated it to) here are some good points I’ve come up with……

  1. I’m fiercely loyal. If we’re friends, (and you haven’t tried to screw me over etc) I’ll be just that. Loyalty means a lot to me and unfortunately there isn’t enough of that in friendships nowadays.
  2. I’m a really good listener.  I said above that I talk a lot, and I do!  However, I’m a really good listener too.  I don’t know everything (contrary to what people assume I think about myself), but I will give advice when needed or wanted, and help where I can.
  3. I’m genuine.  Once we’re friends, that’s it.  I’ll be my true self, no matter what.  No falseness, no dishonesty.  Just me.
  4. I can cheer you up-pretty easily.  A trait passed down from my father to me, I’ve always been the “class joker” (or class joke as the bullies from my school used to call me).  As long as the situation needs it, I will usually help most issues with some form of humour.  I personally think this is a good thing-you don’t always need it, but then you don’t always need a friend that cries each time you do, or that hides away when the going gets tough.

 

I’m well aware, there’s not as many good things in that list, and that’s where my lack of self confidence comes in, but I would hope my actual friends would be able to add to that list!

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In summary, if you’re not put off with the things I’ve listed, we could probably be friends, (assuming you’re not some kind of nutter obviously).

 

Lets not waste time anymore, trying to start relationships with the wrong people, or forcing something that just won’t work.  At the age we’re at, there’s no need for massive groups of “friends”, that you can’t trust implicitly, that don’t love you for you.

 

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Xx

 

*The Marmite photo was taken borrowed off of the marmite website here-I love marmite, just in case you were wondering.

A Letter To My Son

                                             

My darling boy,
Yesterday mummy went to your last ever parents evening in year one. 
Before I left you said to me, “it’ll be a good one mummy, I’m always good!”

Now I know you’re a good boy, I know you’ve never been in trouble, and are consistent at working hard and achieving high. But I’m not delusional sweetheart. 

Grown ups will teach you from a young age, not to believe all you are told, and to take things small humans such as yourself say, with a very large pinch of salt. 

When your teacher sat me down, my tummy gave that familiar lurch of anxiety-what if this time something was different and we had a brand new obstacle to overcome.

My anxiety was for nothing. 

You didn’t disappoint and were true to your word.  
Your results for the end of term tests and subjects, not only blew me away but your teacher too. She told me how much she will miss you when you leave her class in two weeks. She told me how proud I should be of you. 


God I am proud of you!

I want to tell the world how proud I am of you, but proud as a standalone word isn’t enough.

  • I am thankful. Thankful to have you as my son, for the joy you bring me and the consistent happiness you fill our lives with. 
  • I am amazed.  Amazed how my little baby boy, has grown into such an amazing big boy, who is so clever, thoughtful and funny. 
  • I am grateful. Grateful for the gift of you from whichever divine being sent you to me. 
  • I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the sheer love I have for you, for the amount you achieve and still have to achieve. For all I have taught you and have to teach you in the future.  
  • I AM PROUD. Proud to be your mummy, your friend, your comfort, your support and your absolute biggest fan. 

                                                                                            


Not long ago you told me that one day you’ll be too big for cuddles on my lap and holding my hand. 

That day can wait-I’m not giving it up without a fight. 


                                                                      


                                                                   Keep making me proud my lovely. Keep being you. 



My baby always. 
Xxxxx