As some of you may know, I have had three miscarriages between having my Son and Daughter.
There were times, during each one (as every time is different), where I questioned the changes my body-and mind-were going through. Asking is this normal? is a constant question that runs through your mind.
What I wish I’d know about miscarriage is all about exactly that-the things I wish someone had told me, or that I’d known during those terrible times.
- Every woman’s miscarriage is different.
One woman could have one symptom, the other can have something completely different. When you Google miscarriage symptoms or try to find out what’s happening to you, you assume all you read will happen to you. Sometimes not all of those things do happen. Sometimes, they all happen, (plus possibly unlisted ones). It’s as important during miscarriage as it is during pregnancy, to never compare yourself to others. Primary healthcare professionals are your best bet to check what’s happening is normal for you.
- Following on from the above; The pain isn’t always “like a bad period”.
Oh my days, I genuinely thought that’s what it would feel like, a bad period. It turns out (especially with my first miscarriage), it’s nothing like a bad period. I won’t go into details about exactly what mine were like-as I say, each person goes through it in different ways, and some may have it like a bad period-but in my experience, this isn’t true. I feel labelling it as “a bad period” isn’t reflecting what a woman is about to go through.
- Partners need support too.
This is so super important, I’d quite happily walk around with a sandwich board preaching about how important it is.
I’ll come back to the mental health side of miscarriage for the woman in a minute, but the effect on the partner is SO relative.
While you, the woman have been planning for your future with your new baby, so has your partner. They aren’t made of stone, they aren’t always brave. Remember that and make sure you both get the support you need during such a sad time.
- Mental Health Matters
Yep, I’m going to go there. As some of you may be aware, I have depression and anxiety brought on from a form of PTSD. When we think of PTSD we think of soldiers in the war etc, but, it can affect anyone who’s been through a trauma.
I had no mental health aftercare advice given to me after any of my miscarriages. Because of this, five years on, I’m now suffering with the above mental health problems.
Get help. See someone. This isn’t an easy thing for you to go through, especially not on your own.
- There is no time scale for healing
It doesn’t take a certain amount of time. There are no rules. You’re grieving, and that’s OK for as long as you need to come to terms with, and process, the awful events that have happened.
- You will be OK
You won’t get over it. You won’t ever forget it. But you will be OK. There’s so much hope and love to be found, that’s what’s needed to move you forward. It feels shit. It breaks your heart. You will genuinely feel like you’re going to be broken forever. Time really is a great healer, and you will get there.