Welcome to Day 2 of Blogtober 2017! Today’s theme is ‘Babies’!
As some of you may know, I have two children, but have been pregnant five times. I’ve carried five babies, regardless of how long, inside my tum.
I genuinely do think of myself as a Mumma of 2 children, but also of three angels-here’s a blog post explaining more-My 5.
Losing babies is something I don’t think I’ll ever get over-or forget-but having gone through something so horrific really does mean you have to make a decision to ignore what has happened, or face it head on.
That’s why I began blogging-to help others come to terms with what they were going through, if they were unfortunate to have been through something similar to me. I felt so alone when I lost my babies-I didn’t want anyone else to feel like that.
The miscarriages, were actually part of mine and my husbands reasons for stopping having babies altogether. I don’t mean just saying we were done and hoping nothing happened-if I’m honest, I couldn’t live that way. Every month, since we had our daughter, I’ve worried I could be pregnant (even when there was really little chance). I knew we were done, and I knew the extent I was against having any more children.
Additionally to the fear of having another miscarriage had we fallen pregnant again, I also feared for missing out on part of my children’s lives. When I was pregnant with both of them, my sickness was horrendous, and with my son especially, the Mum guilt crept in often-because I was basically bed-bound for months-he missed out on so much. Thankfully he doesn’t remember a lot of it-and the bits he does remember, he thinks back on fondly.
I just knew I couldn’t go through that all again.
The other reason we decided not to have any more, was money. We’re surviving (just), on the money we have coming in at the moment-our house is a small three bedroom, and our car fits all four of us in perfectly. To add another little person (who eventually grows into a bigger person) into this mix, isn’t fair on the two I have here now, or the new baby.
My husband underwent a vasectomy at the end of July (I wrote a blog about this too, obviously-have a look-Vasectomy’s-No Need to get ‘Teste’), and I’ll be able to come off of the contraceptive pill after almost 12 years on it, at the beginning of 2018.
This option may have seemed final to a lot of people we know, but to us, it’s the only option, and one we’re 100% confident in.
I’m going to spend the rest of my life, remembering the babies I never got to meet, and making memories with the two that have blessed me with their presence.