Definition of Ghost Friending; referring to one person suddenly and without warning cutting off contact by simply disappearing from the other person’s life. They refuse to answer calls or texts, block them on social media, and basically pretend as if the relationship never happened.
At one time or another, we’ve lost friends. Friendships end, sometimes due to differences of opinion, following an argument, or just simply after growing apart.
What is different between these things and Ghost Friending however, is that the friendship is cut off by only one of the friends. Contact and communication is ceased, and, in the digital age we now live in, social media accounts, and forms of communication via calls/texts/apps are blocked.
I hadn’t heard of the term Ghost Friending before. But after reading a couple of articles on it, I realised, that’s exactly what had happened to me!
I wasn’t going to write a post about it, citing the “friend” who ghosted me, unworthy of my words and time. But primarily, I’m intrigued, as to how many people, firstly have heard of this term, but also, have experience in having it done to them.
My dealings with the ghoster (thats a word right?)
So, my friendship with the “ghoster”, began 8 years ago. Both pregnant with our first babies, we formed a bond quite quickly, and subsequently, when we both had our children-both boys-within a few months of each other, that bond was strengthened. We attended playgroups together, we were “Mums that lunched” along with our little ones, and we were pretty close for a long time.
She was there for me during my hardest times; when my Grandad died, when I lost all three of my babies.
Our second babies, both girls were also born within a few months of each other, and she was my obvious first choice to be my Daughters Godmother.
She shared my likes, my dislikes, we had the same tastes in most things, and, to be honest, we were pretty much “perfect friends (well in my eyes)” for a long time.
Then things changed, my mental health following my miscarriages, had taken a battering, and, although she was patient with me, I know (and openly admit) I was becoming the flaky, let-down of a friend, no one really wants to know.
Regardless, nothing much changed between us, and, fast forwarding a few months, everything in my life improved when I started blogging, set up my own website and starting working from home on it. I was doing something I loved, I was doing it well, and I was happier, more positive and enthusiastic about life.
Around the same time however, things began changing. Both users of the app Whatsapp (not an ad), initially, we would audio message each other whenever we could.
After a while though, I was sending mine, but she was replying via text. After a few days I questioned the change, and I was told it was easier for her to remember what I’d said by typing her responses to my audio messages. Taking that as a valid reason, I began not audio messaging too-feeling a little odd that it was all one sided.
Shortly after that, messaging stopped altogether. Every now and again I’d get the odd message, but I could feel everything had changed.
Then, a few months later, and after only politely nodding hello at the boys school, it all ended. Social media accounts were un-followed, messages were no longer sent, and at the school, not even polite hello’s were managed.
No rows. No fallout. No conversations about issues, with the possibility of a resolve.
How i dealth With Being Ghost Friended
This isn’t a ‘how to’ guide-it can’t be. Mainly because I probably didn’t deal with it how you’re supposed to, but also because others would probably feel different emotions and feelings towards someone who’d hurt them so badly.
The odd thing with my situation was, I wasn’t as bothered as I had imagined I would be.
I think the worst thing for me, was convincing myself I’d wasted 8 years of my life. I’d never get those years back, my Daughter was missing a Godmother, and I’d once again, made a massive misjudgement of character (I’m not great at judging people’s characters in general).
After a conversation with my Dad about it all, he explained how you can’t regret lives lived, regardless of their outcome, you just learn from them, and grown accordingly (sterling advice from the old man there-he’s fab at all that Dad advice stuff).
Overall, I wasn’t upset. I didn’t feel like I was missing anything, more, gaining something.
When I looked back on our friendship, I realised how lovely those first few years had been. But, on reflection, the last few, had, well, they’d been a bit shit to be honest.
Often, I’d come home in a negative mood, unhappy with something that had been said, judgements that had been made against me or my family. It became the norm, with people I’d speak to saying “well you know what she’s like”.
I realised I was worth more than that……..
So, why does ghost friending happen?
Christ knows! Honestly, I have no idea. Because it’s classed as a friendship cut-off; something that comes out of no where without warning.
Several times I’ve debated on asking; why did you do this? But in all honesty, I’d only be asking to make myself feel better, and that is unlikely to happen anyway.
If I was told about all the things that made this person unhappy in our friendship, that would make me sad.
Inevitably, nothing will make the situation any easier, and, I’ll always believe, that someone who can throw away that many years-regardless of reason, isn’t worth emotion or feeling, and especially isn’t worth bringing negativity into your thoughts for.
Oddly enough, this was easier than I’d imagined it would be. Of course there are reminders of our friendship (god damn you ‘on this day’ on Facebook), but, remembering my Dads advice, I see these as good memories of my past.
I used to have to see her at the school my son attended, but, due to unrelated circumstances, we have now moved him to another school anyway.
The children, especially my son, understand what happened (to an age-appropriate extent), and I’ve explained to him that things like this happen sometimes-partly so I don’t say anything negative to him about the situation, but also to prepare him, in case he has to deal with this during his life.
If I take anything away from being Ghost Friended, it’s that I’m genuinely happier-I don’t know at which point that happened, or how it happened, but I’ll take that as my positive of, what could’ve been, a really a crappy situation!
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