Choo choo! Stop the ‘Growing-Up’ train-I want to get off!!!!
Is it only me that wants to stop their children growing up? I mean obviously I want them to grow up, but I suppose what I’m worried about is them not being little and needing me anymore.
What happens when that day comes?
Will I have the most excruciating heartbreak each time they reach another milestone-not like milestones we’ve celebrated as they grew, but milestones that mean they’re stopping something they’ve always done.
What happens when they don’t want to hold my hand anymore when we go out for walks. Or when their hands don’t fit into mine anymore.
What happens when they don’t want me to kiss them in the playground when they go into school in the morning. Or they don’t want to cuddle me as tight as they do now when they come out and see me.
What happens when they’re too big to fit in my lap, and cuddles at home on the sofa, while watching their favourite films can’t happen anymore.
What happens when they don’t stay at home for the weekends, because they want to spend time sleeping over at friends houses.
What happens the first time I have to let them go out without me, and I’m not there to stop anything bad happening.
What happens when I’m not allowed in their rooms, to stroke their faces at night, watch them sleep and kiss their foreheads before I leave.
Will I be filled with emptiness? Will I feel like a part of me is missing? Will I even feel like a Mum anymore?
Sometimes I think, loving my children as much as I do, actually hurts me in ways I can’t describe. I wonder if someone had managed to describe the feeling, and told me about this before I had children, would I have put myself through this?
Out of everything I don’t know, come some assurances from my own mind and heart.
I know, I’ll hold their hands for as long as they want/need me to.
I know, I will always want to kiss them in the playground, and squeeze them so tight when I pick them up-I miss them so much when they’re not with me.
I know, I’ll try and sit as a close to them while watching whatever they want to watch, regardless of how much they do or don’t want to snuggle.
I know, I’ll miss them so much when they go to their friends houses, but I’ll also try and embrace that feeling that I taught them independence and the ability to live their lives without being attached to me constantly.
I know, bad things happen, but I also know that I teach them, and will continue teaching them what is right and wrong, and how to look after themselves when they go out.
I know, that regardless of their ages, all the time they live with me, I’ll continue to go into their rooms, kiss their foreheads, and stroke their faces while they sleep.
I know, that growing up has to happen-there’s no getting off of this train!
I know, there will come a day when all this will change, but living every day, making memories, and putting future worries out of my head, is so much more important than anything else right now.