5:30am. I’m awake-my day can start now yeah? MUMMYYYYYYY MUMMYYYYY. Oh god daddy’s coming instead. He’s not got a clue how to handle me at this time in the morning. He said mummy is sick so she can’t come in. NOOOOOO I WANT TO GET UUUUUUP! Eurgh, he’s closed the door and left me here-I’ll call mummy again. MUMMYYYYY. Yay here she comes! Oh wait she’s sick?! Now I feel bad. I’ll go back to sleep for her.
7:30am. I actually feel better for more sleep. Who knew! It doesn’t matter though because I’ll forget tonight and do it all again tomorrow anyway.
Right BREAKFAST TIME!
Daddy is asking what I want. I think I want toast with honey but I might deliberate over my decision for a minute. Ooh I know what I could have-Weetabix! We don’t have any, but I could get cross about that then settle for honey on toast anyway!
7:45am. Breakfast was lovely-although it did go really cold really quickly. I genuinely don’t understand it. I couldn’t have been talking for more than half hour in-between bites!
Daddy took my plate out, then just as he sat back down I asked for some juice. I don’t get why he looked so irritated?
8:30am. Is it lunchtime yet? I asked Daddy and he said we’ve only just had breakfast. So I asked for a snack. He said we’d just had breakfast.
I don’t get it-my Brother doesn’t ask when it’s lunchtime or ask for snacks. Does he never get hungry?!
OOH stickers-I’ll play with those.
8:40am. I’ve stuck the stickers all over the floor and now I’m bored. I’ll leave them here and I think go and ask Daddy if it’s lunchtime yet…..
Daddy said it’s not lunchtime for another 2 and a half hours. So I cried. Lots.
9:00am. I’m going to go see Mummy. Daddy said she’s having a lie in because she’s sick but she’ll want to see me.
9:05am. Mummy wasn’t overly talkative this morning. A limp hand on my back while I’m draped over her isn’t really my idea of a cuddle. God knows why she wasn’t all excited to see me!
10:00am. Ooooh we’re going for a walk in a little while, Mummy just told me (she seems to be happy to talk now). I really want to go, but decided not to let her know that, so instead I cried and said I didn’t want to go.
She told me that it was fine and I could stay home alone.
I dropped the crying really quickly and said I’d like to go-I don’t want to be on my own!
I think instead I’ll just moan while we’re out instead.
10:30am. Mummy’s been trying to get me to come up to the bedroom to get ready. I’m busy! This Lego won’t tip itself out and be left in the middle of the floor you know!
10:45am. Mummy said she’d take me out in my pyjamas and I’d get cold, so I’m getting changed. And when I say I, I mean I. I’m making her let me do it. So here goes!
11:15am. I’ve managed both my socks and one leg, half into my trousers. This getting dressed lark is harder than I had considered! Mummy, Daddy and my Brother are sat waiting for me. Mummy has offered to help LOADS. No Mummy-I can do this!!!!
11:17am. Mummy got me dressed. She’s like some kind of ninja and I could see how much she wanted to do it so I let her.
(I did put my own shoes on though-win!).
11:25am. I’m in the car. Only two minutes ago, I was screaming about going into the car seat-and I did a really good impression of a rigid banana! Now I’m happily singing to the Moana soundtrack.
11:28am. I’ve just heard Mummy and Daddy say something about me being Jekyll and Hyde-not a clue what that is but I reckon it’s something lovely!
12:00am. We’re finally here. I asked constantly in the car if we were there yet-but for some reason it didn’t speed things up and everyone just seemed irritated. Mummy gave me and my Brother lunch in the car. I managed to talk through that too.
12:03am. I’m now walking. Mummy brought the pushchair “just in case”. I’ve already told her I won’t need it. I’m going to walk everywhere!
12:05pm. Arghhhh my legs! My little sore, tired legs! I’m going to cry this one out. I’m NOT going in the pushchair!
12:07pm. I’m in the pushchair. Don’t judge me! I was tired! What baffles me is how Mummy knew I’d need it-i asked her. She replied “Mummy just knows”. Well that doesn’t explain anything!
1:00pm. I’ve had fun! I kept making Mummy stop pushing me to get out then back in the pushchair. They walked a lot, I didn’t!
Perfect afternoon really! I’m also SO tired. It must’ve been all that walking!
1:05pm. Mummy said to snooze in the car. I didn’t even want to get in the car. I wanted to walk more. So I cried-LOTS. I’ll show her, I don’t want to snooze in the car.
2:30pm. What the hell! I literally just woke up. I fell asleep in the car and didn’t even wake up when they took me in the house.
I must’ve been really tired. At least it was my decision to snooze-not Mummy’s.
4:00pm. I’ve had a lovely couple of hours. All my toys are out. I’ve barely played with them, just sat amongst them all, watching TV.
I also had a couple of rows with my Brother, and asked 28 times, when dinner is going to be.
4:02pm. Daddy just asked what I’d like for dinner. I’ve told him I don’t want any dinner. He said he’ll choose then.
4:30pm. Dinner is ready! It smells so good! But I am going to assume there’s something in it I don’t like.
4:35pm. My brother is eating his dinner so they’ve probably only put something bad in mine. I’m not eating it!
5:00pm. I’ve cried. I’m not proud of myself but they actually told me I couldn’t have pudding?! What?! Why?!
5:30pm. Oh wow-dinner and pudding were amazing. Had to eat without everyone else though, they eat WAY too fast!
6:00pm. I’m so tired again! What is wrong with me! I’ve got a sneaky suspicion there WAS something bad in that dinner, and it’s making me sleepy!
6:05pm. I’ve asked Daddy when it’s bedtime.
He’s said soon. That’s not good enough! I’m exhausted! Can he not see how tired I am?!
6:07am. I’ve cried at him again. I told him how desperate I am to go to bed-he’s still not taken me!
6:30pm. I’ve spent the last 23 minutes doing my absolute best to get Daddy to take me to bed.
He’s just said it’s bedtime. I’m actually not that tired. I’ll stay up I think.
6:35pm. Daddy has carried me upstairs-how demeaning! I just wanted to stay up!!! I’m not even tired!
I’ll show him!
6:40pm. I didn’t want to brush my teeth-I cried.
6:45pm. Daddy asked me to choose a bedtime book. I’ve managed to drag it out for 10 minutes. I’m not tired!!!!
6:50pm. I’ve got a book. Daddy said if I took any longer I’d have to go to bed without a bedtime book. So I’ve got one now. I’m still not tired though!
6:57pm. The book is finished. Daddy’s trying to convince me that it’s time for bed now. What is wrong with him-I’M NOT TIRED!
7:00pm. I kicked the covers off twice but Daddy said he’d just leave me without them on if I didn’t settle down. So I’m now tucked up. I’ve told him I’m not tired again and he said that’s fine I can just lay here until I am. As he tried to leave I remembered I needed all of my night lights on. And my nose wiped. And I need another wee.
7:05pm. He’s gone now. I’m going to stay awake-I’m really not tired. I’m really not tired! I’m really not ti…………
The Tale of Mummyhood